Women: perhaps the most complicated of everything in the world. Will we (men) ever be able to understand them? Will we ever know what’s going behind their beautiful faces? Can we ever solve the mystery of a woman’s mind? Recently a very good friend of mine got dumped by his girlfriend of two years. Both my friend and his girlfriend (now his ex) happen to be good friends of mine so I listened to both sides of the story.
Let’s hear her first. She sobbed saying he never understood her, (show me a man who does) doesn’t care for her, doesn’t remember her birthday or the date he
proposed (sorry! men don’t have an inbuilt calendar gene like women), never brought any flowers for her and never listened to her. While she said all these, I could see pain in her eyes and I know it wasn’t easy for her. She further added that she felt he was just a guy who wanted to sleep with her. (Whether they dump or are dumped most women feel the same and I have no clue why). Jokes apart …now let’s listen to his part of story. I visit him and see him with a cigarette in one hand and a drink in other. The scenario was made perfect by the music being played in the background “No Women No cry”.
(What a perfect song!!) He tried to act as if it didn’t matter. (Of course men don’t cry). Guys are fairly simple and I know he was upset. (We are also humans…we too have feelings). A beautiful relation had come to an end just because of the difference in the way they think.
As I head my way back home I start analyzing men and women. I wondered why God made two creatures of the same species so
different from each other. I have a good number of female friends so I think I have some knowledge of what goes in their mind (I repeat “I think”… I am not very sure) but my poor friend had no idea about women. May be he will learn after a few more breakups. I must confess that’s the way I learnt about women. Suddenly my cell phone rings and even without looking I know it’s my girlfriend. No, I don’t have a sixth sense and I haven’t assigned a special ring tone. It’s just that everyday around the same time she calls which has now become a conditioned reflex for me.
Even before I open my mouth she says, “Thinking about me?” (No I am not. It’s rude but it’s true. Live with it! ) I wish I could tell her this but being the gentleman that I am, I say
“Of course honey. How was your day?”
Within moments I realize my mistake. She started explaining about her hour to hour details of the day. How she reached her office, what her boss said, what she took for lunch, the funny color nail polish her friend was wearing etc, etc, etc.
“Really…Oh….Ok …..Hmmm….” that’s all I kept saying. I wondered why women speak in paragraphs. Can’t they speak in sentences like we do? After beating around the bush for half an hour and giving me unsuccessful hints finally she came to the point. She wanted me to take her out for dinner the next day. (Speak clearly ladies we don’t understand hints). We decided to meet next day to celebrate one year of successful dating. (Stop laughing guys I know it is funny but for women it is more important than any national holiday. Remember the calendar gene …)
After my dinner at home I went to watch the highlights of the league football match that was going on. My sisters had already taken control of the remote so I had no choice but to wait. Half an hour, 45 minutes…. but the wait seemed unending. When I couldn’t take it anymore I asked when their Hindi serials would be over. “Kasauti zindagi ki is on air then there is Kasam Se on Zee, then Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki on Star .., then Kyoki…., then Kahin to ……” Before they finished their paragraph I left the room. I am sure they could have named the producer, director, the characters, the actors and the number of breaks that come in between. (I wonder if they even know what ads will be aired). Forget the highlights I could have watched the whole football match in that time period. I have missed watching my favorite sports a lot of time (The price that I pay regularly for having three sisters) and I am now accustomed to it.
Back in my room I start reading the manual of the latest car stereo that my friend bought. I love reading manuals (most men
do) of cars, bikes, or that of any machinery. (Doesn’t matter if we will ever own it or not). My cell rings again. This time I look at it…its my girlfriend.
“Hey what should I wear tomorrow?” she asked
Anything she wears will be fine. Really! I know how she looks after 8 hrs of sleep or when she is down with running nose so it doesn’t matter to me whatever she wears.
“Wear the pink dress honey. It looks good on you”. (Almost all women have something pink in their wardrobe so I played safe)
“No … I will wear the peach one. Is it ok” (If she had already decided what she wanted to wear why was she wasting my time?)
“Yea sure”. (Is peach a color? I thought it was a fruit). Men know only seven colors (default setting).After asking me few other questions and answering herself for me, she finally decided her outfit.
Next day I went to pick her up at the decided time. She was still standing with hair iron on one hand and a face covered with some pack (am not
surprised all my ex girlfriends did the same). I had no option but to wait for her in the living room. I asked if she has some CD or DVDs and she gave me the keys to the cupboard. I always display my CD/DVDs collection proudly (I show them off to my friends) and here she was hiding it in the cupboard that too with a lock. May be women normally display their diamonds and hide their DVD collection (if they have one). The only thing I saw being displayed there were 30 pairs of shoes in every color. (I didn’t count she gave me that number later). Do we ever pay so much of attention to their sandals? After seeing her collection, I think we should.
In a while she came out and asked
“How do I look? Do I look fat?” Now I just love this one… every woman asks it. Have you ever heard a man asking “How do I look in my pants” “Does my hip look wide?” (Sounds disgusting)
Anyways….my girlfriend is a bit chubby so she will obviously look like one whatever she wears. I had two choices; either tell her the truth (she would start fussing about it and I would have to spend half a day to make her smile again) or the second choice simply lie. Smart men lie and I am smart.
“Wow…. u look gorgeous honey.” That’s what came out of my mouth and she was satisfied with my answer. (Thank god for giving me the right words)
As we were driving she kept looking at the mirror and adjusting her hair. I had a passing thought, do women actually know what
those mirrors are for?
Suddenly she said “I don’t like the color of your car”
“Color??” (That was the last thing on my mind when I bought my car)
“What about performance, pick up, mileage”
“What’s that?” she asked so innocently.
I felt like punching a fist on her fat face. The last time I took her out for a drive she said that E on the petrol gauge means enough. How could a person like that dare say anything to my car. My Car, my bike, my iPod, my toolbox and my DVD collection are most important to me. They are equivalent to women’s handbags and accessories. I was really furious but again I didn’t want to spoil the day so I kept quite.
At the restaurant I asked her to place the order. She went through the menu for full 10 minutes then said “I am dieting so I will just take salad. You can order whatever you want” (full 10 minutes just to order salad!!) I place my order. After a while French fries, chicken barbeque and Russian salad arrived on our table.
She kept talking (in paragraphs) and I watched her continuously munching my French fries. Her Russian salad remained untouched. (Why do they order something and eat something else). No wonder she gains weight whenever she is dieting.
After the dinner I drove her back home. As I wished her goodnight she said
“Don’t look at me like that?”
“Like... like u want to kiss me” (Can she read my mind?)
To be honest I wanted to kiss her but I just turned around and smiled.
“Thank you so much for today.” Before I could react she kissed me. I was surprised pleasantly surprised….. She laughed seeing me so dumbstruck and ran towards her home. I drove back home thinking about her. I was not thinking why she keeps her DVD locked, or why she is so worried about the paint on her toenail. I was thinking of the twinkle in her eyes and the mystic feeling I had. Suddenly all her stupidity seemed sweet. She might be crazy and funny but she also gives me a reason to laugh and live. Ten years later I can still remember this moment and smile. Isn’t this what we live for? Sweet little moments that we can cherish forever.
We may never enjoy shopping more than sports and they may never find bike racing exciting than shopping. Men and women are different and they will always be different but just a little bit of effort from both sides makes life worth living. I wish my friends had realized that. God is not a fool to create his masterpiece Eve from Adam’s rib. Instead of thinking what’s on their mind lets just love them the way they are and create a perfect world with strength and softness. After all, the fact is love them or hate them we can’t live without them.