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An empty heart  [Updated on 2012-05-23]
By: alyeesa 3787 views 0 Comments
The article below has been reproduced exactly the way it was sent to us by the contributor. No editing of any nature has been done so as to keep the authenticity of the writer's experience in his/her own words intact.(except for spelling corrections for obvious reasons) --- Editor (
Love, hah..! I never believed in it. For me it has always been a word of 4 alphabets. I never got an idea what is Love and how is its feeling. May be because I am orphan who spended half of my childhood in streets and half in the Orphanage. I was 10 when I was brought here. Ten may be too young age but for me it was more than a one life time. In these ten years, I slept so many empty nights with an empty stomach. So many wintery nights in Garbage trunk and what can I say more? The first day I came here, Aaya introduced me to everyone and everybody hated me, treated me as I was some kind of disease. Though all of them were an orphan and some of them street children’s like me, they were one standard upper than me or so what they used to tell me. I was standing with my head lower and fear and sweat all over my face. The more they laughed at me the more I was cursing myself for being here. Suddenly, from all the bunch of idiots, one girl came near me and introduced herself. She forwarded her hands towards me for a shake and called herself, Preeti. Aaya encouraged me to introduce myself and finally I whispered, Bikram.

After the casual introduction section, Aaya took me to my room and asked to take a bath and change my clothes and be ready for lunch. I did like she said. In canteen, all were laughing at me, as I was a new kid in that house. Preeti came close to me and even brought me my lunch for I didn’t know anything. She started a casual conversation. She said it has been 2 years that she was here and before she was living with her uncle and aunt before they discarded her when found about her cancer. I was shocked and said Cancer. She smiled, right I have cancer. She said me not to worry as she was my friend from now. She shared her experience about how others behaved when she came here first and no one was friend instead of me till date. She asked me will I be her friend and I said yes shaking my head. She was more than happy. Days pass on, slowly, I started enjoying her company. We used to play together, join class together, and eat together. She even used to help me in study coz I didn’t knew anything. Slowly, everything fell into place. My grades were nice and I have now more friends to play with. One day, while playing hides and seeks, suddenly she fainted and was immediately taken to hospital. I was so worried but she was brought back the same day. After that, I didn’t know what happened to her, her health got worse and worse. She had an occasional visit to Doctor and afterwards it was a daily routine. All the time I used to be with her. I didn’t know why but I used to get impatient when I didn’t saw her. I didn’t know what the feeling was but I always used to think about her. Read stories to her when she was in Hospital. Do her homework’s when she was not around. Wash her clothes. She used to yell at me when Aaya told her everything and simply used to cry. Without knowing, I fell in love with her. I didn’t know why, when and how but simply fell in love with her. Though I loved her I never expressed her and I always waited for her to come home back. But silly Me, I was imaging for something impossible.

Thinking similar things, I was lying on my bed. Suddenly, I heard phone ringing. Ram Dai took the phone. It was Aaya from the Hospital. That day, Preeti health got worse and she wanted to see me for the last time. Ram Dai and I hurriedly ran towards Hospital. When I reached there, Aaya was outside the room, her eyes full of tears. She asked me to go inside alone. I entered the room. Preeti said, “Bikram, is that you?”, “Yes” I replied. Seeing me she cried. She said she was feeling scared, scared that she was never going to see me. Seeing her cry, I cried too. I said her everything was going to be all right. But somewhere inside me said that was not the case. She said that she was thankful towards me for being her 1st friend, the best friend she ever had, for washing her clothes, doing her homework’s and for everything. I listened to her, lowering my head. She was reaching her end and I was too as she was my life. She asked me if I had something to say her. I shook my head but cannot utter a word. 

I said her same thing she said to me. She was the first friend and the first. dream I ever had. I didn’t know what happen but she started to breathe fast and I called Aaya and doctor inside the room. All the time she was looking at me. I finally realized how much I loved her. I said, Preeti, I….I…love….but it was too late. The time I utter another word she slept forever. I burst in tears and so did Aaya. I cursed Myself, My faith, God. All these years, I didn’t know what Love was and when I did, it was already too late. It’s already 15 years to that event and I am a teacher at the same orphanage I grown up, where I meet my dream. Even after all these years I am not able to forget her. I try to share my love to children’s and even behave kindly and good to them. But inside my heart, my heart is empty. There is no love in it no matter how much I fake to others. Preeti took all of my love inside my heart from me with her and as she will be never coming back so is the Love. It will never come back to me.

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